Do You Know What Made Me Laugh! A Leech Field Pipe Bursting

Growing up one of the many things my family did on a regular basis together was camping.  Many times it was to these remote ponds in northern Maine that were accessible by only logging roads.  It is one of the vivid memories of my childhood.   No lights, swimming pools, or game halls.  Most of the time there was no running water or outhouses.  (Not like today's camping with the Rv's complete with showers and internet satellite service).

It was on one of these camping trips that embodies the woman my grandmother was.  My grandmother was a rather large woman of Native American blood.  A storyteller.  We had taken my grandmother camping this one summer.  It was always a rather unusual adventure when she came with us and you never knew what might transpire.  This particular camping trip we were staying at a small hunting camp basically used for moose hunter's to use as a home base.  It was out of season so the place was pretty quiet except for a few families on a weekend adventure.

This particular camp did have a wash room and bathroom for public use (which always excited me).  It was late Saturday night and just dusk was upon us.  My father told me to walk my grandmother to the washroom.  as we started off on the (at the time it seemed like long journey) short walk across the camp.  My grandmother had decided it would be quicker if we cut across the woods to the wash room as it was visible through the trees.  I had always been taught to stay on the pathways (and the one time I did not I ended up covered in poision ivy - after that I didn't venture too far off any marked pathway), but my grandmother insisted and made me go first.

We trudged through some muddy ground towards the wash room, I didn't really pay any attention to my grandmother behind me being more concerned at trying to remember what the gosh darn poision ivy looked like.  When I arrived at the wash room, I turned back to look for my grandmother.  She was standing completely still.

"Come on Grandma," I yelled to her thinking perhaps she too was looking for the famed poision ivy.

It was pretty clear rather quickly that something was wrong.  Venturing back quickly as I approached her my eyes widened.  I held my breath and could feel it starting down in my toes.  My eyes began to water as I stood there dumb struck.  I was not sure what to do.

I blurted out, "Wait here I am going to go get Daddy."  I darted by her rushing to get out of ear shot before I burst.  Reaching the campsite my mom and dad stared at me.  I tried to hold it in but I just couldn't.  Tears rolling down my checks, the first one escaped.  Snorting in wild hysterics it was impossible to understand anything I was trying to relay.  I couldn't stop it, knowing my grandmothers perlious state, I grabbed my dad's hand and tugged him to follw as the snorting almost caused me to hyper ventilate.  The rest of the family followed with a confused look upon their face.

We came up to my grandmother and they all stopped short and stared with wide eyes.  My father had a difficult time in keeping a straight face, which was a rarity for him.  He could crack a joke and never even change his expression so we never knew if he was being serious or not.  But this sight even got to him.

With glaring eyes my grandmothers voice bellowed so everyone in the county could hear her, "well don't just stand there."  My father scratched his chin for a moment contemplating how to approach this situation.

Hearing the distinguished snorting sounds that kept erupting as hard as I tried to hold them within, grandmother bellowed, “this is not funny honey child”.  Oh but it was.

The scene played out as my father tugged and pulled at my grandmother trying to free her from the knee deep muck that held her captive.  The more he tugged, the deeper he sank.  There was no stopping the bursts that were now erupting from everyone that had come to see what the ruckus was about.  Others went in to help dad free my grandmother.  As they all emerged, covered in muck (the washroom pipes leech field) that was not a pleasant aroma the only words my grandmother said, “George go back and get my shoes!  There still in that &^&*!”